Northern Farmer

Well, the first law of physics is holding true around here. A waterer for the cattle sprung a hole in the bottom on Saturday afternoon. I can’t believe it, it’s always from Saturday afternoon until Sunday evenings that these events take place. Never during the week. Luckily it’s right around freezing, hot for Minnesota, and we drug a stocktank over there and used a garden hose until I can fix it early next week. I shouldn’t say fix, it’ll have to be replaced. Then I found out to my surprise that it’s New Years Eve. A relation came over to borrow our fold out table and I asked what are they using that for, and he said a New Years party. I honestly never even thought about it and this is as far as it’ll get. I’m going to bed normal time and getting up early for Sunday chores which have to be done earlier than normal in order to make it to church. So much for that.

Every once in a while I check out the internet to see whom or what is linking to this site. You never know. It’s mostly the folks that I call friends that are but a few pop up that have me bewildered. A couple are on mainstream ag sites, don’t know why, but they are. And now there’s one that has me wondering. It’s on a Christian dating services fashion page. No kidding! Right along side of Paris, New York City and all that stuff. There’s Northern Farmer. And I thought I hit the high point with Cumberland Books. So I’ve been thinking about all the gals that drop into this site off the fashion page link. I should write something that’ll help them all out. So regular readers can just stop reading at this point, it’ll probably be boring, me going into a far different area than usual. This will be about fashion and dating, which I feel that I know a lot about.

Now gals, well I figure it’s mostly gals being from the fashion page and all, first off I want to say welcome. So your looking for mister right, eh. Well, here’s a few pointers. Now I don’t know how much that dating service charges but more than likely your near broke. How do I know this, heck almost everyone in this modern society is so far in hock their grandchildren won’t have it paid off, so the most important thing is to get the ball rolling so you can at least have grandchildren. And I figure the dating service stuff isn’t going all that well, because your still surfing it’s pages. Maybe you should consider some eligible bachelors that live out in the countryside of the Midwest, or anywhere for that matter. And it’ll only cost you some gas money. Now they mostly have a similar personal profile, they own farms, most are paid off, because they bought them cheap a few years back and they still drop in at their mothers farm for meals every day. Most of these guys are pretty hairy, nothing you can’t change over the years, and they do have a strange interest in collecting junk of every sort. So one thing I’d recommend before the hunt begins is to learn how to operate a cutting torch, it helps. You can take classes, but that costs money which you don’t have unless you can get another credit card quick so another route is go work for a scrap yard for a week or two, paid to learn, what a concept. These eligible men are pretty picky so do the best you can to get ready. Fashion for the hunt is not all to important as long as you don’t mind ruining your clothes.

Now a way to a mans heart is through his stomach, and these boys are hungry, so one way to set the trap is around food. Forget bars and nightclubs, these boys don’t frequent them much because they are careful with their money. And a little pointer thrown in here, some of the boys have their first dollar under the kitchen floor yet, if you win his heart you might just be out of debt with one “I do”. Not like them city slicks, eh. Back to setting the trap, a good spot to set up a hunting stand is at the counter of a small town co-op. Sit near the pail of salted peanuts, in fact kinda block them off. Make sure your in position so that mister right has to lean around you to get a handful of peanuts. This is very important otherwise he might not notice you as he is zeroing in on the peanuts. If your skilled or lucky he will make eye contact, so be ready to talk weather, hog prices or scrap prices at this point. Tell him how you hate shopping, tell him how good you cook, or at least tell him you cook good. If he’s really hungry it’ll sink in. Now you never know if it’ll click but chances are pretty good that they will. If he asks you if you’d like to see his hogs, agree wholeheartedly. But before you leave the co-op show him that your truly fashion conscious and walk over to the back of the room and select a new pair of bib overalls for your first date.

Now I’m pressed for time writing this but I truly hope it helps some of you gals out there in computerland, I take links to this site very seriously and want to help as much as I can and thank you for stopping by. If interest picks up on this I’ll tell you how to delouse your catch cheap and without him ever even knowing you did it.

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 31st, 2005 at 7:45 pm and is filed under Northern Farmer. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.